I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
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