remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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