I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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