Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
