I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
