I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
