Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
