How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
