Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
