i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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