So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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