Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
