So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
