When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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