you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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