I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
