my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
