don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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