Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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