By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
