Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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