There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
