so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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