i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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