ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize