Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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