I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
