everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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