I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
