when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
