OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
