I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
