Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
