peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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