he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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