she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
