That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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