shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize