U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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