I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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