it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
