i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
