he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
