That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
