Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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