She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
