im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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