I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Boobs are out for the taking
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
