Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
