cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
