3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
