She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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