The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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