just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
