Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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