He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize