You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I believe in your delicious
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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