his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
