I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
