Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
