Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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