Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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