My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need moral support for this bender
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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