My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
