with your own penis?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
