Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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