Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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