Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize