He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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