it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
