She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
