I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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