ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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