i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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